Sunday, February 26, 2006
Had a really long talk with Glenda last night... It really shed some light on certain issues that have been bother ing me.
She was mentioning the kind of things that J (her bf) has been doing for her and as I reflect back, I realised, I just wasn't doing enough. No wonder she chose him...
She also also confirmed one of my fears. And that is me being too sensitive. I guess lately I have become so...
She too said something that struck me real hard. That is I set high expectations of everyone around me and because of that, I am constantly disappointed... Now that I look at it, she does have a point.
Hopefully, I can change and see the light at the end of the tunnel soon...
I really wish I could turn back time and return to my SAS days... I really miss those days...
Life goes on...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Who is Alvin?
What has happened to him?
Why is he always so sad?
Why does it seem that his friends are all shutting him out?
Is he thinking too much?
Why does it still hurt so much when he sees her?
Isn't he suppose to hate her?
Why isn't he?
If God is punishing him... God, please stop... I can't take it no more...
Life doesnt feel like life anymore...
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
This would be my 340th post.
And I would like to dedicate this post to what ever friends I have left. I just want to tell you guys how much I appreciate you guys for being there for me. Sorry to have troubled you all so much over the past few days.
I know there are some of you who disagree the way I've chosen to let go of her. But I feel that is the best and fastest way. Frankly, looking back... I feel I've been played and made a fool out of. Hating is so much easier than to keep hanging on to the hope that someday she'll come back.
The past few months have been terrible... Mistakes after mistakes... When can I see the light again?
I can't wait to leave poly... Everyday in school, I am reminded of my pain. While others rejoice... *sighs*
You were my biggest mistake...
Life goes on...
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Hey Jeff... What if this very 'friend', he pretends to be this so called 'maintenance crew'. But in reality, he is secretly removing the very thing that makes your plane fly? He removes it only to keep it for himself. And he calls himself a 'Friend'.
i HATE that mother fucker son of a bitch...
Life goes on...
Sunday, February 12, 2006
There are time when I look in your eyes
I see the love that we share
I see the joy inside
But I didn't see the feelings you hide
& now you're saying goodbye
Because your love is done
& all I can think about is you
The way you say you love me too
& everytime I close my eyes I see your face
My love can never be erased
If you can never be replaced
I guess this poem really sums up all the shit that had happened in the past few months.
What am I feeling for her? Hate? Detest? Or do I still love her?
I doubt though... Its probabaly either of the first 2... Maybe both...
My life is so screwed up right now. It ain't saddness that I'm feeling. Its the pain and the anger... The hate that's inside me. How many of you really know how much I hate you all?
You all smile and laugh with each other, but the moment each one of you turn around, the back stabbing will start.
See... This is what life in school is really like.
Life goes on...
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
You said to meet here, but you never came...
I never could`ve seen this far
I never could`ve seen this coming
It seems like my world`s falling apart, Yeah
Why is everything so hard
I don`t think that I can deal with the things you said
It just won`t go away
I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through, Yeah
I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can`t let go I just can`t find my way, Yeah
Without you I just can`t find my way
I don`t know what I should do now
I don`t know where I should go
I`m still here waiting for you
I`m lost when you`re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can`t let you go
Mood was pretty good the past few days but it just went down today. I guess its another mood swing. Damn... I must not see them anymore. The more I see, the more pain I feel.
Been trying to forget everything about her.
Trying to let go...
Can't wait for my happy self to return...
Life goes on...
Been trying to forget everything about her.
Trying to let go...
Can't wait for my happy self to return...
Life goes on...
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Alone,
I think desperate thoughts.
Shadows come to taunt my fallen soul,
my tears wouldnt listen.
Unwillingly, i let them fall.
You arent here to wipe them off.
We were never meant to be..
Life goes on...
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Went out with Trish last wednesday to Raffles City. Shopped a little and chatted alot... Haha... Thanks for that day, gal... Thanks... *smiles*
I just don't know who to trust anymore. Suddenly seems to be hiding behind their own masks and making use of each other. Some even to the extend of spreading untrue rumors. *sighs* Reality hit me and its left me lost and confused...
Been asking myself this question, "What if I were to die? And God asks me, What have you done on earth to deserve a place in Heaven?". I tried as I might but I couldn't even come up with one good reason.
Friends seem to be stepping out of my life one by one...
Life of a loser? Perhaps...