Friday, April 06, 2007
It was supposed to be a steamboat session. I suppose it was to a certain extend but I just ended up drinking. Drank, drunk and ended up vomiting all over. But at least I was knocked out cold for a good 4 hours.
I guess I must have started talking rubbish but I had not, I wouldn't have found out about the truth.
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it did.
My bro told me that he saw who used to be my girl holding hands with another guy on a day when we were out. That day was the 26th of Feb. It also happened to be the date that the picture of her and her ex was taken.
Would that be considered two-timing? Cause if it is, then, it has happened to me thrice.
She tried to cover up. Said she didn't know how the pic came about. Told me that she was in camp. But it was all bull shit. Her camp was on the 28th. I still have that sms which she sent on the 26th telling me her camp was on the 28th. I didn't tell her about that. Deep down inside, I hoped that I was wrong. But I wasn't.
Then today, finally after so many weeks, my bro decided to tell me what he had seen on that day.
I don't blame him for not telling me earlier although I wished he had. Perhaps that would make it less painful now. Don't matter, I'm numb to it.
What really bothers me the most is, why did she do it to me? I told her about my past and told her that if there was anything, tell me. Don't ever two time me. She promised. And she said she loves me. But I guess like everything else she said, they were all lies.
I'm coming clean now. Now that she has blocked me on MSN, deleted me from friendster and removed our picture from her account. I guess its all over. No point lying to myself, no point giving myself false hope.
I really loved her. I really did. I treasured her like no other, loved her like no other and most ultimately, trusted her like no other. I gave her all that she wanted. She wanted me to fetch her, I did... She wanted to eat something, I would get for her... When she was down, I was there for her. All that she wanted, I provided. And all that I ever wanted in return was to be loved. But that never happened.
I should have seen this coming. As our r/s progressed, I gradually felt that her love for me was fading. I couldn't feel her love anymore. I thought maybe I was just being over sensitive but who am I kidding?
So I guess it wasn't my fault anymore. Not that I wasn't a good boy friend. I was just a fling, a rebound guy. Once toyed and done with, discarded aside.
And to think I was actually ready to settle down with her. To think I was actually going to bring her home one day and introduce her to my parents. I started this r/s hoping that it would be my last. Guess not.
Fuck.
How could you do this to me?! I LOVED YOU! All I ever asked in return was your love. And if you don't wanna give, tell me. Its fine, we'll break up. But fuck.. No.. You felt that since you have this fool going, you might as well make the best of him. There's a phrase right? "Sucker that fella".
So now what? Your conscience finally caught up with you? Trying to end everything by running away?
Are you happy now? Cause I hope you are. After all you've done. You should be.
Life goes on...
Hey girl,
Is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you, baby
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong
Don't wanna think about it
Don't wanna talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair
Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came
around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch
you run around
Cause I know that you're living
a lie
But that's ok baby, cause in time
you will find
What goes around, goes around,
goes around, comes all the way,
back around
Now Girl
I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now (on now)
Maybe I should do the same
(Maybe I should do the same)
The funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you baby (baby)
And now, it's all just a shame
That I guess I was wrong
Don't wanna think about it
Don't wanna talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Can you tell me is this fair?
Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came
around
That you were gonna make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch
you run around
Cause I know that you're living
a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in
time you will find
What goes around, goes around,
goes around, comes all the way,
back around
What goes around comes around
Yeahhh
What goes around comes around
You should know that
Don't wanna think about it
Don't wanna talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fate
Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find
What goes around, goes around,
goes around, comes all the way,
back around
Yup
Yup
Yup(let me paint this picture for ya, baby)
Yup
You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And everytime you call him,
all you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes
When you cheated, girl
My heart bleeded, girl
So it goes without saying that
ya left me feeling hurt
Just a classic case scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl, you got what you deserved
And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right
But girl, I ain't somebody
I'm out of sympathy
See..
What goes around comes back around
I thought I told ya...
Dear Father, bring me home...