Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Girls have been telling me, NS has robbed me off my boyfriend. But honestly, I think that isn't really hard to handle especially for someone like me who is used to seeing my 'girlfriend' literally once every month - if I'm lucky.
In any case, that's not the point. The thing here is, NS has robbed me of my friends and indirectly my life. It's worst if your like me, growing up only with a close group of males who are of the same age as you.
Look at me now. Everyone's that close to me has gone in. Sure, they come out on weekends. But what difference does that make? Family, girlfriend, what's left of the weekends?
Even if we do meet. I'm just simply an outcast, a misfit - no longer a part of "them". Everyone would be talking about NS, NS and more NS. I can't blame them, because like what one of them said, "that's the only thing we know now".
Ever since then, there's this void in my life, this emptiness. And its eating me up from the inside.
So I turned to games, to movies, to gym. And at the end of it all, it makes me feel even worst. I get lost in own world, in my own space. But when it all comes to an end and reality strikes, its just like a roller coaster ride, one minute you are up there enjoying yourself, the next minute you find yourself hurling downwards into the depths of reality.
To top it all off like blood shed on the blade, there's "her".
She seems so capable, so capable of amplifying my pain. She builds me up and tears me down. Day after day after day. Yet I continue to allow myself to suffer. Why? I can't even remember the last time she asked how was I.
The gift I got for her when I went to KL was a perfume. I delivered it right to her doorstep. There was no thanks. Instead, a reply that even the most insensitive of bastards or bitches would think twice before making. She replied by saying, "Oh, I found out that alot of old women use it. I think I'll pass it to my mom".
Nice going Alvin. You might as well have gone after her mom.
If you do read this, my point is not to question your friendship. In fact, I thank you for bothering to read. However, my point is for you to understand how it feels like, when those around you just aren't the same anymore and the one closest to you brings you nothing more than pain and regret.
Life goes on...