Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special.
Literally, like the song says.
What a difference a year made. Last Christmas we just got together and after a year of pain it seems like its finally run its course.
I don't know how how it has ended up like this. I should have seen it coming. I knew the end would ultimately be like this and in a way, I've been preparing myself for it.
At least now, it doesn't hurt as much as before. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Perhaps she read my last post?
Perhaps its her family problems that have resurfaced once again?
Perhaps it just wasn't going to work out?
Then again, can the time we spent really be considered as time spent "together"? It barely felt like a relationship. In fact, it shouldn't even have been called a relationship.
Its not that I didn't try to improve it. But everytime I try, I end up shot down.
Which girlfriend or boyfriend;
- would not reply their partner's sms-es?
- would not pick up their calls? would not return missed ones?
- would meet only once in a 2 weeks; if lucky, 1.
- would meet only for a few hours and then rush off to meet some one else?
- would feel so distant, so stranger-like when together?
- would turn to friends instead of their partner in times of need?
- would seem so much happier without their partner?
I haven't been happy. Yet all these while, it was my love for her that kept me going. That someday, I would be able to change things. I wouldn't mind if we are able to work things out. But we don't seem to be able. All these problems just get swept under the carpet, like skeletons in the closet.
It hurts to see her so happy with others, it hurts to know that when she is in trouble, she'd rather turn to others. It hurts to see her in those pictures especially those with other guys. My limit is tested time and time again.
Yet everytime I somehow just seem to be able to swallow them all.
These are the things that I should be talking to her instead of blogging about it. Yet the time we have together is so short, there isn't a chance.
And now it seems that the pain has finally out-weighed the love. The pain that has kept on growing and the love that seems almost non-exsistence.
I think its time to move on...
Its not me she needs. And she's not the one for me.
I'm gonna need all the help I can get. God bless me.
Life goes on...